I made a mistake finishing my coffee-choco before I started writing. I’d already taken an ibuprofen but my head is starting to hurt again. But I got McDonald’s, so all is well.Like most of my mornings (hence the blog title), this morning was not so swell. I made a trial of keeping my cat in my room till morning, and I had to wake up every now and then to check where she’d gone. When I woke up and she was nowhere to be found, I had to sit up. I glanced at my window and there she was, shooting her head outside. I grabbed her in panic, waited a few minutes for my head to wake up, then went downstairs to put her in her cage where I saw poop. Ah, poop.
I brought this up to my dad, still holding Arya
my cat. If I put her down, our dogs would chase her and it was just too early for that. As usual, my dad took his sweet time, and it was just too early for that. I gently sniped at him, that he’s taking too long, and apparently that was already too much. He was upset but went to clean the cage. Mom then proceeded to lecture me on why I should be nicer to my dad, and that being too sensitive was stressing me out.
Please note that my mom is convinced that I’m just stressed and not depressed. I found this out when she told me that I was too bitchy with my dad and that I should take it easy. That it was stressing me out. That it’s why people thought I was depressed, when I was just being bitchy. Yep. Nice.
I don’t hold it against her, it’s not like I outright told her I was depressed. I’m still pretty much in denial about it, but more on that later. I… don’t know how to tell my parents I’m depressed. You’d think that being prescribed anti-depressants would convince them, but apparently not. My mom just thinks I’m acting out, and it’s exactly why I don’t know how to tell them. As previously mentioned, I’m pretty
spoiled privileged. I’m social, I have dogs, I joke around, I’m pleasant enough around company… so how can I be depressed?
Someday I’ll post a thorough shitpost about how conflicted I am about this depression, but not now. For now I want to talk about how it’s not my mom’s fault that I’m sick. It’s not my dad’s fault that I’m sick. If anything, it’s all my fault. But I want to keep moving forward, otherwise I’ll get stuck in this hurdle and nothing will happen in my life. I’m 20 years old and I’m a hobo at home. There is a world out there that I have yet to experience, and darn it, I want to experience it.
Keep moving forward. So I ignore mom’s snipes at me, because she doesn’t understand. I do my best to stop being a bitch to my dad cos he does not deserve it at all. I will keep sending my CV to companies that will hopefully hire me, because I need to get out of this house. It would be better that way.
I apologize for posting something like this on Friday, two days till Christmas. You’d think it would be something more cheerful, but that’s not really my thing. Others think it is, but I guess that’s what being anti-social gets you. Thanks for listening, anyway.
NOTE: Will be changing the posting schedule to MWFSun nights because that makes more sense for me. Stay tuned!