Finally./Why?

It was only a matter of time, and I finally got a good morning. I was able to get my meds, relax for a little bit, then prepared and ate breakfast. It was a good start.

For this post, I don’t really have anything prepared (but when do I ever). I do want to note that my social media footprint is a bit of a mess, but I don’t have very many followers. This is not a complaint, don’t worry. I just want to remember this moment when it’s all peaceful. Not to be arrogant or anything, but I’m kind of aiming for the stars here.

In this post-Christmas season, and just a few days till the new year (HELLA EXCITED AND STILL OPTIMISTIC FOR A BETTER YEAR), I’ve been feeling a tiny bit resentful at them privileged peeps. We spent the 26th at the mall, and I went to the bare minimum of shops I normally would, but still saw plenty that I really wish I had the money to buy. That, and I felt very sad for mom who needs and deserves a new phone so badly. I always flush that resentment down the toilet because they don’t deserve to be resented, unless they’re being unappreciative assholes. My philosophy is to always do me first. If it’s something I can change about myself, that is what I will do, instead of pointing fingers and blaming others.

That being said, I really need to get a job lol. I’m aiming for something quite low-key. I’d be happy to take a freelance writing job that will let me stay with this blog, explore my art, but also develop into a full-fledged adult. And money. There was one I liked, but I  haven’t heard from them in a while. That is probably my fault, but I did the best I could with the strength I had. I will try again.

Having written this the day before a star went out, I find that I spoke too soon and I am, again, back to square one.

Waking up and finding out that Carrie Fisher has passed away is not a good morning.

On the 24th, I’d convinced my parents to watch Rogue One before the Metro Manila Film Festival starts on the 25th. It’s been a private tradition of mine to watch my faves on Christmas, such as the Harry Potter movies, Lord of the Rings, and of course, Star Wars. This year has been lacking in said tradition as the cable channels have been wont to show them, which I still find weird, and I am far too lazy to look for them in our DVD collection. So Rogue One was the next best thing after re-watching The Force Awakens on my laptop. A day or two later, social media trickles information that Carrie Fisher suffered from a heart attack on a plane. Stupid planes. Stupid hearts.

Now and then I would scroll through and see that they have news she’s more stable, and such. So I was calming down. But to open Facebook this morning, and every other post is about… so I just had to leave the app, and continue reading this wonderful fic that only updates every Christmas. There are no tears. 2016 has just knocked all of them out of me.

This is as much as I can say about it, because it is just too sad. And frankly, I’ve had enough of sad things. But if not tonight, then tomorrow, I will marathon the original trilogy. And I will mourn in private. So long, Princess.

PS: Spoke too soon again. I cried.

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