This morning was spent lazing around my bed, which I don’t remember having done in a long while. It’s really unhealthy, but I indulged nonetheless. But I came up with a topic for this post, so rejoice! Fair warning, this post may contain themes not recommended for anyone below… say, 16? But I was exposed to this stuff well before I was 16, so who am I to preach? However old you are, proceed with caution.
You know who Hailee Steinfeld is? Actress, turned singer? Her first song, I believe, is Love Myself. Basically I spend a moderate amount of time “listening” to that song. But it’s also actually a good song, if you haven’t heard it. Anyway, “listening” to the song. If I remember accurately, I’ve “listened” to that song since I was… 9 years old? Awkward stages here and there, different levels of shame distributed about…
Now as a 20-year-old… “I’m not a girl, not yet a woman (~ Britney Spears)” whatever, I have pretty much moved past the shame, and have a considerably stable stage going for me. I’m as aware of it as you possibly can, while maintaining a certain amount of anonymity on the internet (at least, as much as I can muster) indulging in my *sigh* kinks.
This really shouldn’t be a surprise, considering the rich number of erotica novels that have been published since the first erotica novel (duh). Gender/sex wise, I’m always confused why guys are surprised that girls mastur–I mean, “listen” to the song. Hehe I remember reading this one article, basically a rewrite of erotica novels if women wrote the way men do. I don’t even remember actually having read an erotica novel by a man. But my goodness, if they really are like that, keep them away.
In my post-“listening” bliss, I am reminded of, ahem, how loud I can be, and if my neighbors can actually hear me but just pretend not to. As a person that secretly likes making people uncomfortable, it was hilarious to me. If they could hear me, I wonder what they think it is? A movie? Porn being watched by a guy? A guy being really good at sex? Will it even occur to them that it was a girl masturbating? That it was me? I don’t really go out of the house, and I barely recognize our neighbors, so it’s not like I have any face to lose. But wouldn’t it be just funny to see their faces?
Whether or not they can hear me, the primary thought that drove this post was: you never really know how people live their lives.
To them, I am the reclusive daughter of my mother. I am the innocent girl who just graduated college. I am the intelligent, funny, playful, independent, young woman. I am all of these things. But I’m also a certain measure of lonely. I am finding that I like ice cream, oreos, and cookies more than I used to. I like indie pop and indie rock music. I don’t know how to do the laundry. I don’t know how to cook, but sure would love to learn. I spend a great majority of my time wishing I could do things I couldn’t, but also not wanting to learn because then my fascination for them might/would diminish. I also masturbate.
However, who am I to say that they don’t? I kind of wish they do because the drivel of daily life is only so boring in my mind. They all would be much less stressed, and much happier if they just released some of that tension. *GIGGLES SELF TO PLUTO*
So that was the majority of my morning. By lunch, I couldn’t ignore my bladder or my hunger, and knew I really had to take my meds. I only have 2/3 of them today, because I’m so responsible, I remember to buy them. Don’t be like me.