Cloudy.

These past few days have been strange. I haven’t had my meds in almost a week, but I don’t think that’s the problem. I’ve had a pretty nice routine going on for about a month, just to make the most of my days, to be productive and substantial. In fact, these last Wednesday and Thursday, I spent the majority of the day cleaning my room. As they say… something about being tidy, and tidy mind. Too bad my memory is shit.

So yesterday, Friday, was meant to be a writing day, to be a blog post day. Which is great, I like meeting my goals. It makes me feel fulfilled to have written about something, and I do feel like the last few posts have been meaningful. But yesterday, I was so down, and also restless as I have been the past few days. I tried convincing myself to clean my room some more, but apparently I wasn’t that stubborn (or I was that stubborn…?).

This morning started out like most Saturdays has, since I left my job. No breakfast, and just an annoyance in the back of my mind that I wish so hard I didn’t feel. Thankfully, my parents made pancakes without me having to mope about it. Ugh, so spoiled. I went about downloading Supernatural, How To Get Away With Murder, and Riverdale to kill time. I should have done so yesterday but I slept the day away. I was able to watch them all today, along with Moana again. But once I did, I felt that… I guess boredom? again, and I hated it. I took a shower to shake it off but it was just impervious. I even tried writing this post to make up for not doing it yesterday, but I only got around to doing it after watching a video of Ashley Johnson, Troy Baker, and Neil Druckmann about The Last of Us Part II. If you’re not familiar with it, it’s an absolutely incredible game, and you should look it up. Highly recommend.

I haven’t heard from the last few places I sent resumes to, which is just niiiiice. I don’t think these companies realize just how much I need to get a job. Honest to goodness, if you aren’t applying to call centers, it’s virtually impossible to get a job. These are the moments that make me wonder how people higher and lower than my station get jobs, and keep them too. Or is it just me, that is virtually hopeless in terms of being normal?

This is just a funk, I’m sure. A four day long funk, where everything is almost at a standstill, and I’m just waiting for the storm to come, or the sun to come out. Anything to happen. I’ll outlast it.

I’m stubborn enough.

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