I don’t think I’ve been in this much of a social media blackout since I got social media. Granted, I still check at least thrice a day, but I don’t hang out in the sites/apps cos it’s just so freaking toxic. And there’s plenty of shit happening in the world, but I’ve been in a weird funk lately, even my sleeping pattern in weirded out. So this post is a mellow one. I apologize in advance for the shitpost.
I have no idea what happened to my habits btw, but it’s not like I didn’t warn you guys. I suck at not breaking habits. That is, ironically, the habit I need to break. My mood has been in such a whiplash the past week, but then again I had the bleeds, so that’s one explanation. Not sure if it’s a legitimate excuse to be moody, personally I think it’s a pathetic one, but since I experience firsthand how difficult it is to manage dem emotions, I probably won’t judge people for being emotional.
Honestly, I just want to get out of this funk. It’s confusing as hell because I hardly recognize myself. I don’t think I have a particular personality anymore, it’s just a big blah. And the main reason why I started the routine was so I could figure it out, but apparently, I’m just consistently inconsistent. Ples halp.
You know what? I’ll return to my routine tonight. I’ve always been more of an owl, so maybe that’s the problem. But… ugh. See, I like daylight, too. I like the blue skies and the cool morning air. What is the matter with me? Whatever it is, I will be writing for a few hours tonight. I was working on this fanfiction that I’m writing mostly for me. I started it about this time last year when I was in my dorm. I was in a Daredevil funk, and was more or less outraged by the lack of proper fanfiction. I had an outline going and everything. The last time I touched it was a few months ago when I started this… hiatus, I guess we’ll call it. Yeah, I’ll keep working on it.
This is the perfect example for the pros and cons of having your time in your hands. It would be fine if you’re the kind of person that’s organized af, functional and professional. But I’ve never been that sort of person, not for lack of trying, and it doesn’t seem like I will be anytime soon.
Thinking is a problem for me. For example, if I start thinking about what the reason might be for my lack of drive and ambition, I start to wonder if it’s my fault, or if it’s a problem with my upbringing. I don’t want to fault the nature of my childhood, though, because I’m not so small as to think that I’m not strong or smart enough to make my own path, despite the way my life was/is. And yet, it is the great track that got me where I am now, and I don’t think that’s been in a good way, whatsoever. Not to blame my parents, who have given everything they had and more to provide for me and my brother, because goodness knows they did everything they could. And they do. So if it’s not them, then it’s me. I don’t then know what to do about myself because it’s as if I’ve tried everything, and yet nothing. And this is exactly the kind of shit that starts to push me over the pit of Sparta which is why I don’t like thinking because once I start, I just end up worse that before I started. What is wrong with me what is wrong with me what is wrong with me what is wrong with me what is wrong with me.
Anyway, I don’t really know what else to say. I’m just exhausted, without even having done anything, and that’s the worst kind of exhausted to be. I just… I might need professional help. But don’t worry, I’m doing fine so far. I think I’ll just enumerate some noteworthy sites that I usually follow in my “clicktivism”, so if you guys have some spare time, and are interested, here are some good ones:
- Walk Free – The Movement to End Modern Day Slavery
- Upworthy: Because we’re all part of the same story
- DoSomething.org | Volunteer for Social Change
- Global Fund for Women – Champions for Equality
- Everyday Feminism – Intersectional Feminism For Your Everyday Life
- Philippine Animal Rescue Team – Creating Pawsibilities, One Rescue at a Time
That might be enough for now. Please consider perusing their websites, and following them on social media. I follow all of them on Facebook, so if you want some quality shit on your feed, you know where to go. Let’s spread goodness, okay? Happy Friday.
I update every Monday-Wednesday-Friday-(and sometimes)Sunday night! I’m always present on social media, @thcynicalnerd on Instagram and Tumblr, @nerdTHEcynical on Twitter and Snapchat 🙂