Pace yourself.

My left shoulder is complaining, there’s at least two pimples growing on my nose, and web-based sites are slow. Yay, it’s try-to-be-productive-Mon-day! This is an attempt to set in stone a few goals for the next couple of months. Granted, this blog isn’t made of stone, but I am incredibly stubborn, and this serve as motivation for my everlasting need to be right.

to a friend

I did at least one productive thing last week (and trust me, I feel sick knowing it was just one), and that was applying for my student permit to drive. It’s long overdue, but it’s not like we have a car I can practice with or a budget to simply enroll for driving school. Still, slow and steady wins the race, and it’s better to have that permit now than later, even if I can’t practice yet. I’m not in any hurry to learn how to drive because Filipino roads are highly aggressive, and I don’t think adding to that pool will benefit anybody lol. Baby steps.

I’ve also gotten tired of applying for jobs, getting interviews for some, and failing all. Thought I might change the pace, backtrack to what I really wanted to study for college, which was linguistics. I looked up diploma courses, and there’s only two options of the three, the one only offered a Master’s degree, and I’m not interested in being that scholarly, I just want to learn. So I took forward steps, and decided I’ll expand my Spanish instead. I had about 21 units of it in college, I’m considerably good at it, and I actually like learning new languages. I just need a more enforced practice, because, as I’ve mentioned before, I’m shit at making habits and Duolingo gives up on me too easily. That being said, it’s not Duolingo’s fault for getting sick of reminding me when I don’t open it at all, so it’s actually my fault. Have you any idea how tough it is for a Taurus to admit that they’re wrong? Pretty damn difficult.

Those are two planned steps forward, and I really would like to push through with them. Unfortunately, every time I plan something out, it hardly ever happens. This is me officially betting against myself that it will, though. I’ll check back in a month or two and see if I won or not. Or won.

In the meantime, some of the things I can sort of maybe control, more immediate goals will be (1) write/make more creative pieces, (2) get up earlier in the day, (3) slowly but surely build up exercises, and (4) actually finish my first DA:I playthrough, Rise of the Tomb Raider, any of at least ten books that have been waiting progressions since, like, 2014.

Though it might not be apparent, but all of these are being done with an underlying sinking feeling of worthlessness and wasting time. But I’ve learned to treat my funky brain as a friend, and embrace all of its insecurities. This is something I would say to an actual friend, which I don’t think I tell myself enough, and definitely don’t hear from anybody else: “It’s okay to feel this way, because everyone does. There’s nothing wrong with taking your time, instead be grateful that you have the privilege, and do the best you can with the stuff you have. You’ve always walked your own pace and danced to your own music. This is the same road that everyone goes through, and here you can walk or run or crawl or skip or stop or walk backwards. And that’s okay.”

Happy Monday.

I [try to] update every Monday-Wednesday-Friday-(and sometimes)Sunday night! I’m always present on social media, @thecynicalnerd on Instagram and Tumblr, @nerdTHEcynical on Twitter and Snapchat 🙂


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