Nowhere to go but up.

I had a bit of a workout Tuesday morning, riding my bike laps up hills. My thighs didn’t hurt as much as they could, but that’s probably thanks to the smaller workouts I’ve done in the months previous. Sadly, I wasn’t able to part with my bed yesterday, and this morning was rainy. I’ll try again tonight, when there’s less cars and people, just because I really, really don’t like them. Yes, I do have plenty of time on my hands. I do try very hard to make it as productive as possible.

nowhere to go but up

That being said, I’ve had about three blog post starts trying to be productive, but the muse is sleepy, I think. Writing and a few other things have just been backlogged, for no other reason I can discern, other than my habit of being inconsistent. Sucky habit. There have been a few significant events and thoughts in the last couple of weeks so I’ll cover them today, brief and concise.

Quite a bit of ruckus occurred when Donald Trump tweeted about transgender people being too distracting and expensive to consider for the military. Plenty of things have already been said about it, certainly in ways more eloquent than I can accomplish (briefly and concisely).

I would like to personally address the “science” of it all. Because, in my opinion, which is also simply a fact that people ought to accept, trans people aren’t lab rats or experiments gone wrong. It’s so easy to say “gender dysphoria” so one sounds like they know what they’re talking about. And as crucial as it is to be critical of anything before fully accepting it, it’s another thing entirely to present harsh, cold, and apathetic judgments about people, who you don’t know and are trying to live their lives probably kinder and more thoughtful than most critics ever have. Their identities are not the butt of your jokes or a mad scientist’s favorite project. You may not understand, but since you have little reason to, considering the resources available out there that can provide open discussion with actual transgender people, but never ever should you “(crying/laughing emoji) Science, can you explain this? (crying/laughing emoji x2)” on a post attempting to spread awareness about transgender people menstruating, too, even if it was shared by your convenient-narrative fellow trying to show you how ridiculous it is, but not at all seeing how he, as a straight, cis, white person, would know absolutely nothing about it.

A person isn’t limited by their science, or haven’t you noticed the billions upon billions of creators and artists whose hearts and souls and laughter and tears and scrapes and bruises have surrounded the earth since there have been humans? How about the thousands upon thousands of films about how love is all that matters, love is at the core of anything good, love is real, love is free? Are those just discredited because it’s inconvenient for your narrative? Doesn’t that sound even just a little bit wrong to you? Love. Is. Love. And their right to life isn’t forfeit by not living up to your standards.

And on that note, I’d like to segue into the idea and expression of “love”. Particularly of “appreciation” in the form of staring.

I’ve been comparably out and about lately, at least since my stagnant existence as an unemployed person. Sylvester’s been helping me review my math for the too-close-for-comfort exam looming over my head. He’s about average with math, and I have no room for complaints seeing as very little people are worse than I am. But being outside makes me immeasurably uncomfortable, due to other people and their stares. Please note that stares are not passing glances, wary looks, and blinks of an eye. Stares are, however, rude and impolite, and disrespectful. It is borne of the rape culture that the world has painfully underplayed, yet has profited from so well through half-naked people on billboards, commercials, and advertisements for completely unrelated products.

I have to do a fair amount of glaring and dagger-shooting to get some of them to lay off, but not a week ago, two unworthy morons got away with a stolen picture. I told my dad, who was with me and hardly did anything, and my mom, who asked how I was sure that it was me they were taking pictures of. Unworthy morons who stare are never subtle. I won’t even make a simile of that, just to be perfectly clear. And I pride myself with observant as hell skills, and being as uncomfortable and anxious and tense as a person can be when exposed to other people aka anywhere outside. Wanna know why? One does not live for 21 years without getting mugged, scammed, or raped without the slightest vigilance. One, however, cannot get away from stares and gropes and persistent brushing, bumping, and grinding, especially in Manila traffic and commute. Nobody gets away unscathed. So yes, dad, I can take care of myself, and yes, mom, I know what I saw, and no, everyone, it is not a compliment or nice or romantic or chivalrous or admiration or anything but glorified perversion. Please stop.

And since they some in threes, last point to mention is misspent time, and the bigger picture. There is a special sort of attention one must dedicate to details, after all, we are all simply the sum of our parts. But that makes it all the more important to step back and take some time to appreciate the bigger picture. For example, my resume is pretty fucking sparse. I don’t have very many skills, hard or soft, didn’t join very many clubs or organizations (but not for lack of trying), and have no set goals. I do have an appreciation for the simple things, the fascination for absolutely everything (having tried very little), and the motivation for hard work, and even harder earned money. I wish for world peace, I strive to respect everyone (even those disrespectful of most anything beyond themselves), I’d like to give every animal a home, knowing they are the purest of the pure and deserve nothing less, and I try to know more about science and, sure, math too. A blank slate is just a fresh piece of paper. A person who has nothing to lose has everything to gain. Being rock bottom leaves you nowhere to go but up.

The fast paced world of the 21st century seems to have, at the surface I’ve scratched anyway, no room for my details and quirks, and I understand. The bigger picture, in their case, is to make money, which is more productive with more capable employees. But my picture isn’t about money. My picture is about living my life, and the details are then about family, friends, food, books, movies, music, video games, COFFEE, and a whole bajillion other plethora of a smorgasbord of stuff, and then hopefully money along with it.

Now take that circumstance, and consider the person you were sitting next to the bus with today. Or the mailman who delivers the accursed and never-ending bills. Or the barista you yelled at for making your drink a little too hot. Or the cab driver that got into an accident after you cut him off because you were late for work. It’s quite a picture, isn’t it? John Green put it so well, in multiple of his books, about people just being people, but also people being infinite infinities. In that perspective, it seems to matter less. But trust me, it just makes it all the more important.

Happy Thursday. (would have been humpday, but reasons T_T)

I [try to] update every Monday-Wednesday-Friday-(and sometimes)Sunday night! I’m always present on social media, @thecynicalnerd on Instagram and Tumblr, @nerdTHEcynical on Twitter and Snapchat 🙂


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