I thought I’d take you with me this week and show you how uncomfortable I can be when I have to be out and about and exist like a normal person. I’ll give you a hint, it took a lot of coffee. Good coffee, which might actually be worth the trouble, but it was… a challenge.
It’s been a while–again. I’ve written bundles of stuff that I wanted to post, but they’ve been put off till later until they’ve become irrelevant. Some are mostly just postponed. But I say “No more!” So I’m writing this on the bus, 10 minutes away from home. It’s almost been two hours since I left work.
Oh, yes, I’m working again. For the time being. It’s all temporary. That’s life for you, I suppose, always fleeting and flowing. If I make it through the week, I can hopefully pass these small trials and tribulations, and finally convince myself that I can say I amount to something. However, this is only one day, and it’s already been very long. Coffee, give me strength.
It’s December once again, and I started writing this blog a year ago. So much, yet so little has happened–yet almost everything has changed.
Well, hello. Again. Got dizzy on the bus so I had to stop writing. And then was basically a walking zombie of exhaustion when I got home and could not continue. This morning was so much better, because I woke up earlier, got a coffee, found a key for my lock (because my key has evaporated into thin air), got a seat on the bus, had a shorter queue for the train (but the ride itself was uncomfortable), train did not break down (as it too often does), had a great cup of coffee which I finished before entering the official premises, and was still early with time to spare. I like being early. I like my time well taken.
Dropped three different things, including my phone, broke my bag strap, was fairly annoyed by some irrelevant chatter, but was also able to grab seats on the commute home, which was easier than it was yesterday. Thank goodness for small miracles, and even smaller mala suerte.
Significantly more excited than anxious, especially compared to the days before.
Aaaaand I tripped. Twisted my ankle on the last step down from the train station. All after the effort of going down slowly, but surely, even avoiding the too-big-slippers of the guy in front of me. As I breathed a sigh of relief as he walked away, I also heard, and then felt, my left foot meet the ground, crunch left, and fell down. It hurt, but a few people helped me stand. In the effort to walk it off, as I learned to do, I forgot to thank them. One must keep moving forward, even if one must drag her own foot. Got my coffee, and kept my appendage in motion so that it doesn’t swell and take longer to heal, but boy, did it hurt.
Pain is relative and offers a great perspective of and from good moments to bad. The pain is relative. People could just have thought I was tapping my foot all day. But I still tried to be as silent as possible. Just to be polite. Oh, adulthood.
I should have seen it coming, since I was exhausted just getting up from bed and already knew that the day was going to take a lot out of me. It didn’t really come out of nowhere. #JinxDay.
At least I didn’t break my shoe. Or fall from a higher… height? Hmm… Fall from a taller height or from a higher distance. I’m an editor, guys.
My foot got worse and then got better. It’s like a fever that needs to break, hehe. I don’t know why, but this week feels longer than most. I can’t wait for it to be over. Is this how normal people feel every day?
I needed reinforcements for my sanity today, so I decided to bring some of my e-books. My brain has been complaining about the constant presence of other people and it hasn’t been the most comfortable experience. Thoroughly convinced now, that I’m legitimately socially anxious. Not necessarily by being nervous to talk to others, but maybe at least being hesitant and utterly exhausted after a few hours of doing so. Envious that a lot of people can do this without having to be so tired all the time. It’s not fair.
While walking to meet my parents for dinner, I decided to walk slowly and not put any pressure on my injured ankle. So, I was wobbling my way through the train station and the two malls, and as I approached the second one’s entrance, I was trying to cross though this bridge thing, from the right to the left side, where the female entrance is. There was enough space for me to take my time and for other people to dodge me, should they be in a hurry or actually give a shit that I was not the most capable walker. Lo and behold, this lady cuts me off from the left, where I was diagonally making my way to the doors, which was a bit of ways away, and even double-takes to look at me as she passed to the right. What a bitch. I felt an inordinate amount of satisfaction, knowing that she has to turn to the left anyway to enter the building, and I felt embarrassed for her. Also, in her effort to be dumb, perhaps unknowingly, she could have hit me and I would have fallen to the ground. Then she would have been a bitch in public. Well… we can’t have it all. I just sighed and calmed myself down. Not like I could have taken her in my state anyway.
As not-good as things have been, they have also been good in general, and I’m grateful for at least that. Must simply keep in mind to be cautious and expect the expected.
So much of this week was such a waiting game that I honestly think I levelled up on patience. Or just became more tolerant of waiting. I also realized that I brought my tablet for e-books, and I haven’t been able to put them back since I reformatted it. Not having enough room in my bag for a book makes me regret all the things. Though, since I normally don’t get around to reading books when I’m out, they just make my bag heavier, and it’s uncomfortable for everyone involved. I don’t know why I’ve rambled on about this.
Ironically, my left injured foot has been feeling better and has been used to give my right leg respite from carrying all of my entire human body for the past couple of days.
All in all, the day was productive and worth it. I took the bus all the way home, which cost just about the same if I took the train and then a bus. Differences were, I actually got to sit down almost immediately, nap for a little while, rest my tired ass feet from injury and exhaustion, and observe a Friday night detached from everyone else. It was nice. Except for the, sadly, expected mild harassment from men, but I could wear a hazmat suit and they would still be assholes.
I also passed out in bed, forgetting to eat dinner, brush my teeth, wash my face, take my vitamins, and drink water for the dehydrating sleep I’ve been having for what seems like forever. But my cat kept me company, mostly because he wants to avoid being locked in his cage for the night. Smart guy.
I’ve really missed writing for this blog, and I wanted to start posting again since it’s technically its anniversary month and I love it like a baby. I’ve been writing for it every now and then and just haven’t been able to publish for insignificant reasons. I just like to do the best that I can for everything that I do, and even for things that I care about, I prefer to take quality over quantity. Real life also gets in the way, mostly my physical and mental self, so I hope you understand the sporadic posts.
I’ll try to post some of the work I’ve done soon, as soon as I can work on them a bit more, polished and pretty. I hope you enjoyed this little peek at my week, and I think I’ll do this at least once a month, because it was fun.
PS: Spanish class has been great, and I’ll be continuing to level 1.3 on January. Hopefully, I can afford to pay for my own shit by then 😛
PPS: Fuck manipulative bitches, tbh. They can go of to their own little island and ust be bithces to each other. They need to stop ruining the world.
I [try to] update
every Monday-Wednesday-Friday-Sunday night! I’m always present on social media, @thecynicalnerd on Instagram and Tumblr, @nerdTHEcynical on Twitter and Snapchat 🙂